Cold start

Blah. I'm done blogging about blogging. And I've done way too many introductions on way too many 'blogs' of mine. I'm done with it. So I guess I'll just go ahead and do the icy plunge. Introductions are overrated, I guess.

Or are they? Is it because I'm incapable of introducing myself right now?

Probably.

The main thing that led me to create this blog was, well, boredom. I'm really sure there are a lot of things that I could be doing right now. I could study my Latin, read those books that I swore I'd read someday, hell, even play those games that I swore I'd finish. Unfortunately, I can't think of anything among those activities that I WANT to do right now. Even those games. And that's what really surprises me. The things that I usually enjoy ain't working for me anymore. I find that to be really weird.

So.. what do I WANT to do right now?

I still have no idea.

I don't know what I want anymore. There's nothing out there that can motivate me right now. Or at least nothing that I know of. So, maybe I just don't want to do anything. If I'm not inspired to do anything, then I'll just sit here until my ass bleeds.

It worries me a lot, though. Why? Well, if I'm not doing anything, then I'm no one. People are recognized by what they do, right? Like, 'hey, that guy's a gamer'. Or, 'that girl goes out a lot, so she's probably fun to be with'. Or, 'look at that guy, he must be pretty smart to be reading Heidegger'. Something like that.

So what am I right now?

Another thing that really gets me right now is what I think to be a lack of personality. I know now that I'm socially-retarded. Probably because I lack human contact. And it's quite a deadly loop; I don't talk to people because I can't talk because I don't talk to people. This year, I've tried to break out of my cage by going back to school and trying to socialize once more. Sure, I've made some progress. But from what I've observed, it looks like it will be a long time before I shake the rust off. I need more practice.

But then again, I'm incapable of socializing because nobody is ever interested in what I bring to a conversation. Especially those of the opposite sex. I'm a conversational cul-de-sac.

And that is why I'm having a hard time introducing myself right now. If I'm going to attempt it, I'll just end up with: A guy who does nothing and can't talk about anything.

But that doesn't mean that I'm losing hope.

So I'm going to turn to blogging once again. At the most, it could help me point out the problem within me through a careful study of my recorded thoughts. It could also help me practice my writing skills. Who knows, I might actually become a writer. That would be another piece in my puzzle. Or, at the very least, blogging could entertain me and pull me out of my boredom.

So at least I'd have something to put in the 'interests' field on those social networking sites.

Hey, at least I'm doing something.