Ah, the first post for the new year that is 2014. Let me begin this entry with a bit of self-betrayal: I promised myself that I would dedicate the year's first post to a recap of the past year's events. Unfortunately, I had been taken over once again by the bane of all academe: procrastination (and her twin sister, laziness), so I'll have to defer the recap to another time. Also, today's events were quite special in their own unique way, and I would like to have them locked into writing for posterity's sake. Just in case I run into something like today again. Or, at least, ensure that I learn something out of the chaos that I have found myself in.
Random thought #1: I think I ended that last sentence with a preposition. Gahd, my grammar has been rusty as of late. Same thing with my pronunciation. Hell, even my vocabulary's taken a hit, recently. Looks like I'll need to brush up on my English again, for the sake of keeping myself sharp, skill-wise.
Okay, that was a runaway brain fart. But if I'm gonna try and achieve this posterity thing, I'll have to get used to catching random thoughts on the fly.
So, anyway, without further ado, here are the random thoughts and things that have ran through my head recently:
Aggression:
Seems that I've gotten a ton of this today, all without any kind of intentional provocation from my end. People just end up getting angry while in my presence. Like my accounting professor, for instance. I have no idea why he's giving me low grades, but I'm pretty sure he does it on purpose. He had absolutely no reason to give me a low (albeit passing) score on that homework. Everything balanced, I had the same results as my classmates who got perfect marks, hell, I even made sure that my paper was as clean as it can be. That alone took a lot of effort on my part. And yet, despite all that, I only got fair marks on that homework. With absolutely no explanation or indication of what caused that kind of score. SMH. And the worst thing about this situation is that I can't really complain about it. Otherwise, I'll just find myself in open conflict with the very person who holds sway over the fate of my very grades.
That's one confrontation I would definitely want to avoid, if I am to achieve my goals of becoming an accountant.
Another instance of hostility I experienced today was that from a classmate of mine. Well, to be fair, she was indeed pissed off at something, I had no idea what it was. All I knew then was that, whatever her damage was, it couldn't possibly be a reason for her to lash out at someone like me. We weren't that close, in the first place.. well, okay, maybe, I am trying to "appeal" to her clique of girls, but all because I needed to build my network of connections within the campus. Friends are always useful in any kind of situation. And no ulterior motives, of course. I'm more than a decade older than these girls, so it would definitely be weird if I got close to them. I'm just being pragmatic is all I'm saying. Anyway, she and I are friendly enough to converse and be mildly funny and all, but not close enough to be totally buddy-buddy with each other. So I didn't really expect that she'd be "comfortable" enough to shed her compliance to the rules of general civility and actually repel me with a "That's not very funny" line when I attempted to cheer her up. To me, that's a huge red alert, since that means I've already crossed my own boundaries and exposed myself to her, them, and to their world of social circles. Which is something that I absolutely want to avoid getting myself tangled into. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just there to study. I have no plan of getting involved with their teenage drama stuff or becoming an actual object of their conversations and emotions. That is not part of my plan.
Biggest one, of course, would be from my girlfriend. Getting pissed off at my Facebook activities has become her favorite hobby as of late. All for the tiniest of reasons, if they can even be considered as valid. Like me following this FHM model, liking that classmate's status, stuff like that. We could be fighting over more serious stuff, like me actually trying to cheat with another girl, me trying to run off with her money. Anything. But no, she had to choose the route of peeving over a bevy of imaginary threats made up of FHM models, 16-year-old teenagers, and co-workers who live miles away from where I am. Babe, if you're reading this, I have one thing to say: set your priorities straight. I am not cheating.
Some other minor stuff of aggression include this morning's jeepney ride. Driver got pissed off at a kid who got off without paying. Dude riding in the front got pissed off at the driver for not cutting the kid some slack. Driver got pissed off more and started a small verbal battle with the dude in front. No idea how it ended as I had already gotten off the jeepney in the middle of the situation. Another one would be while I was walking my dog through the subdivision. A girl got pissed off at me for staying in front of her house a little too long, since she thought I was letting my dog urinate on their fence. Which wasn't really happening of course.
Add to that my long-standing animosity towards the two idiots over at my work, and you have my day's menu of hot, angry steam.
Good thing my sister was at work today. It could have been worse, haha.
Money (and my job):
Well, this one's always been in my head since I started working. It has been a bigger object of my thoughts recently, though, mainly because of my obsession over my PC project. If I were to guess on an estimate, I'd say my projects about 50 to 60 percent complete. I still have a long way to go with the parts that I need, so if I'm going to finish this project, I'll have to make sure that I maintain the status quo with regards to my job. Otherwise, I'll have delays.
The Daily Grind:
I'm starting to feel it. The topics at school are starting to ramp up, and the professors are gaining momentum with their tasks. My grades aren't exactly in top shape, either, so I'll have to step my game up beginning now.
I wish summer would come a bit sooner, though. I need a vacation.
Writing:
Not sure if I want to tackle this one right now, but I'll chip a thought in for later: Can I consider myself as a writer, since I've been writing on my blogs for a long time? I think the answer to that would be no. Technically, a writer is someone who writes for a living, and that's not what I do. My blogging is more of a personal thing, and I'm not really offering my "work" to an audience for consumption. But at the same time, I don't mind keeping this blog open to the public. Just keeping it open, not sharing it, that's the thing. I'm not trying to create or present art, either. It just is and that's why this is called a "Weblog", it's a log of stuff posted on the web. It's not for anybody, but it's open to everybody. Like a park. Or the facade of my own house. Something like that. I'll have this one pinned down eventually.
Health and fitness:
I often say that I currently have no time for such endeavors, but in reality, it's more of a will issue. I can definitely make room for an hour-long exercise session, but recently, I've been so lazy about stuff, especially exercise. To be honest, I've started feeling various (mostly painful and uncomfortable) sensations all around my body, and even though I really want to fix these potential problems, I've done nothing to contribute towards that end. Maybe someday I'll end up regretting not doing anything about my health, but I really don't want to come to that point. I need to do something. Now. While I'm still in my twenties.
The future (and how uncertain everything is):
Just a few things about my anxiety over the future. Everything's still so uncertain, and yet here I am, betting on my own plans and hoping for the best. Well, I guess that's the reason why I'm so anxious; I hate betting on anything. If I'm gonna be part of anything, I would prefer it to be a bit more certain. Also, there are some things that I'm still not sure about. I hope I can get to resolve these particular issues before the year ends. I'm not getting any younger, and the window of opportunity is starting to close up, so I'd have to close things now before that window closes.
Well, that's about it. A bit constipated, but that's to be expected from someone who should be blogging regularly about things.
Lesson for the day: Limits, limits, limits. Be aware of your limits.
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