Okay.
So there was a friend of mine (well, not really an actual "friend" of mine, but not a total acquaintance either.. let's just say we don't get to meet each other often) whom I've heard has just moved up in the world of BPO. My best buddy just told me a while ago that she apparently got promoted to an Operations Manager, or something equally awesome. Which, to me, is, like, a very, very big deal. Yes, the call center industry isn't that great, being the glorified sweatshop that it is, and though working as a call center agent is a decent way to earn a living, it's not the kind of job that most people would look up to as a profession worthy of respect. However, to those who are aware of the draconian systems of control and the inhuman productivity expectations that plague the industry, moving up by even just a half-notch in the chain of promotion is already a great accomplishment, considering that it would already require superhuman determination and effort just to get noticed among the hundreds of faces that register in the eyes of the higher-ups, and that sometimes, the reward for exerting that much effort into your work isn't that rewarding, to say the least. So to move all the way up to the top levels of management.. well, that's already saying something.
I guess she deserved it anyway, if you think about it. She did stick to that company all throughout the different highs and lows for, hmm, I dunno, several years? Which I believe is already an accomplishment in itself. So yeah, I guess she did deserve it. Congratulations to her, and I honestly wish her the very best.
Wait, what? Me? Congratulating somebody else on a job well done? Did I really just say that?
Whoa.
No, really, for the first time in my life, I wasn't totally green with envy. She was a friend. Not a very close one, yes, but a friend, nonetheless. And even though I didn't really think that much of her as a person, I still managed to find it in myself to be a bit happy about her accomplishment. Which is a really big surprise for me, because I usually flare up whenever I hear success stories from people whom I think didn't really deserve it. I used to hate it whenever somebody whom I underestimated before suddenly becomes successful for some reason.
Why?
Because I was plagued with what most people call as "crab mentality".
I hate to admit it, but yeah, I was that kind of person. I used to criticize people a lot. The success of others really irked me a lot back then for some reason, and I never even realized that I was doing it because I was really good at justifying my point, especially when it was about the failings of other people. I really liked pointing out reasons for not being too happy about somebody's success, because, well, I felt good about it. Especially when that person was close to me, like a friend or something, because I feel like I was still in the game with them if I believed that they weren't that much ahead of me. I felt like I was not being left behind because I am so good at leading myself to believe that we were all still swimming in the same lake of misery. Or, at least, that's what I thought.
Well, they say that kind of inclination can be found in people who are unsuccessful in their own endeavors. Looking back, yeah, that's probably the reason why I was like that. Back then, I was a miserable shell of a man who withdrew from the world that beat him down to submission. I've always kept on looking for ways to try to climb out of the hole that I was in, even if it meant trying to pull the others who were above me. I was a wreck.
So I was actually surprised at myself when I realized that, hey, I wasn't totally envious or critical of my friend's success this time. The story of her potentially earning four times as much as me didn't shake me that much, or make me raise an eyebrow over the thought of her, a person that I underestimated, was now somebody's boss . I was a 100% sure that I was totally and honestly happy for her in a tiny little way. Yes, I was that surprised.
What does that mean?
Am I starting to have a better sense of security in myself? Am I now turning into a more adjusted kind of individual? Is everything starting to be okay now?
Well, I can't really say for certain. I'm still nowhere near my goals (hmm.. goals.. I'll have to remember to write something about that later), and I don't think that I already have the level of respect that I'm looking for from the people whose opinions matter to me. Most of all, I still feel like what I'm currently in right now is merely an upturn in my wheel of life. I'm still kind of expecting that downward phase to come in any day by now.
Nevertheless, there's this small part in me that's starting to look upwards. Even if this may prove to be just another upward turn in my wheel, I'm starting to feel like I'm going towards the right direction this time.
And maybe because I've started to realize the fact that pulling everybody slower won't make me run any faster that I've lessened the hate towards other peoples' success. Learning my place in the world by accepting the fact of my own weakness didn't hurt as well.
I guess I'm on the right track now. Not quite there yet, but at least I'm on my way.
Hopefully.
Well, I honestly hope that my friend's success continues. And, who knows, maybe someday I'll have that same level of success as she had. Not that I want to go back to working as a call center agent of course. To just be there and say that I got there on my own is what I meant.
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